How I Learned to Hold Space (and what changed everything)

When I first stepped into the role of facilitator, I thought my job was to stay in control and keep things moving. What I’ve learned since is that great facilitation isn’t about control at all - it’s about valuing people, building trust, and creating the conditions where genuine connection can happen.

About ten years ago, I pivoted School of the Wild away from running nature-based activities for individuals, to creating programmes for teams - and stepped, somewhat nervously, into the role of facilitator.

I hadn’t had any formal facilitation training. I did have a mentor, Kanada Gorla, who helped me plan sessions and who introduced me to the dimensions of facilitation - though that didn’t really make sense to me at the time.

When Facilitation Gets Messy

​Things went mostly well, but there were moments that completely threw me, like:

• when a team went silent after a question,
• when a CEO made a cutting comment about an activity,
• when someone arrived angry and brought that into the opening check-in.

I muddled through situations like these, sometimes heart in mouth - hoping no one noticed if I moved on too quickly, always trying to keep control and trying very hard not to feel humiliated.

I struggled with silence and jumped in to fill it. (Occasionally I still have to remind myself not to do that.)

Eventually, after a year or two, I realised: I need to learn how to do this properly.

Learning to Be a Better Facilitator

In the first facilitation training workshops I attended, I learned practical tools such as structures for reflection, energisers, and how to get a group through 'the groan zone'.

But it was only when I signed up for a deeper facilitation training that things really clicked. I learned about contracting, and about silence, difference, and meaning and feelings in a group - and finally understood what Kanada had meant by “dimensions of facilitation.”

The biggest realisation? Self-awareness is core to facilitation.

Especially being aware of the fears that can show up, such as fear of rejection, fear of getting it wrong, and feeling like an imposter.

The power of valuing in facilitation

There was one particular dimension that changed a lot for me: valuing.

Valuing means building a supportive climate. For me, it means responding to people’s contributions with respect and without judgement - helping them feel seen, heard, and accepted, so they can be genuine.

It sounds simple, but it’s powerful.
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It builds psychological safety and belonging.
It’s how trust starts to form.

How We Practise Valuing at School of the Wild

We model this at the start of every School of the Wild programme. After our opening fire circle and some fun warm-up questions, I invite people to share more meaningful things: whether they see themselves as introverted or extroverted, how they feel about feedback, and how they handle conflict.

When I respond as a facilitator, it’s not by fixing or judging - but by acknowledging and respecting what’s been shared.

And in doing this, something shifts.

People open up. They share surprising and honest things:

• like the manager who explained why she’d always hated feedback,
• like the head of a team who shed tears about colleagues who had left,
• like the CEO who admitted how isolated and unconfident he’d felt when he first joined.

Listening and valuing seems to bring out the genuine human in everyone.

It’s not all tricky or heavy stuff either, there’s laughter and lightness too.

And my team and I see and feel the impact: people let go of anxiety, relate to each other in new and different ways (not just as job roles), and they feel more connected.

Why Facilitation Matters

When so much of work is really about relationships, this feels important. Because how everyone is together shapes the work you do together.

It took me a while (and a few awkward silences) to learn to feel confident in valuing - and to realise that facilitation isn’t about fixing things or having the answers.
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It’s about creating space where truth, wellbeing, and connection can emerge.

Join Us: Unlocking Facilitation

This is exactly what our upcoming Unlocking Facilitation workshop in Brighton, on November 12th, is all about.

I’m co-running it with Dan Simpson - it’s for anyone who facilitates teams, groups, or meetings and wants to deepen their confidence, awareness, and ability to hold space.

If you or someone in your team would benefit, we’d love to see you there.​
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👉 Find out more and book your place here